"No, really! I'm a vampire!"

"Sure. Love the fangs…"

It's rare that I want to throttle someone but tonight was looking like it would be the night. "Look, not all vampires drink blood, right? Some of us thrive on energy, on essence…"

She rolled her eyes and made a show of looking bored. "Look, fella, this is a vampire bar. Unless I see fangs and a reasonable make believe of being a bloodsucker, out of my face!"